A friend...

A few days ago a friend of mine and I were having a conversation about another friend, typical.  In the exchange of information this friend told me, “just like what your nemesis is doing.”  Not verbatim, but it was something to that effect.  I paused and thought, “My nemesis? Who could that be?”  In the exchange that “nemesis” was named and then I recalled why this person would be considered my “nemesis.”  However, I can’t think of that person that way, especially when I haven’t thought about them in a long time.  Do I hate this “nemesis” of mine? Certainly not.  Am I angry at this person?  Not in the least bit.  In all honesty, I can’t keep someone in my consistent frame of thought if it is someone whom I feel nothing for.  Nothing at all.  It must be nothing if this person hasn’t even crossed my mind in perhaps years.  If your curiosity is itching at you wondering how I can have this so-called “nemesis,” it’s much simpler than one would think, especially since so many years (almost 10!) have gone by.  Long story short, a few friends and I were close to my “nemesis” (as this person will from now on be lovingly referred to).  Said nemesis sent some messages out to us pretty much detailing all around unhappiness.  In this message, I was ever so graciously (not really) given the option to salvage the friendship.  I chose not to, clearly.  One friend tried, but it didn’t work out, while another one would reconnect years later with the nemesis.  I believe that reconnection also failed, but because I don’t ask about this person, I really don’t know.  At the moment of our disbandment from the nemesis, I’m sure I was livid, but not long after I was already able to laugh about it.  I did learn that right after the nemesis regretted how they approached the situation.  Without access to a time machine, it was a mute point.  I will say that to this day I don’t think that friendship was salvageable.  I used to, and still do, think of relationships where we have options like spoiled milk.  Once it’s gone bad, you can’t ever digest it.  It’s trust.  Trust is easy to batter, but nearly impossible to reassemble.  If the friendship wasn’t going to end then, I’m positive it would have been doomed not shortly after.

In a turn of events, I did have some repairs to make to an existing friendship.  This happened two days ago.  I have a friend whom I am now extremely close to and have come to think of as family, with a very sibling-like relationship.  We have seen each other through a lot; school, work, ups, downs, gains, loses (in people as well), moves, and everything in between.  It has only been in recent weeks that I felt a disturbance in our friendship.  I was honestly going to let it go, but my observations wouldn’t let me ignore them.  I addressed these issues with this friend, and was so glad we talked it out.  We determined the value of our friendship, one definitely worth salvaging.

In conclusion, people come and go, something unavoidable in life given people’s choices in careers, family life, marriage, etc.  Also, given that sometimes we don’t have any choices when it comes to those matters.  So with many factors beyond our control, it is inevitable that people will disconnect from your life, whether an acquaintance, just a coworker, or a loved one.  But noting and fighting for the ones worth fighting for, brings those relationships to a new level, a meaningful one.  For it is the people who you choose to keep that say a lot about you, you just need to be able to know which statement you would like that to make.