Friday, July 10, 2015

Why do certain songs resonate with us for years?

My answer at the moment is so that you can relive them in your mental archives because they can express the things you feel exactly when you feel them.

Angeltread---


Crickets rhythmically sing
Their mournful melodies
A monotone by request
But they fail, they fail
To soothe the mess

Hands rhythmically grope
The sheets again for you
And off-rhythm the time slows
To make moments eternal
Moments eternal

Is this some kind of holy test
To stitch the trademarks off my chest
To get up walk outside my head
On a holy search for angeltread

The moon within its ball
Washes white the darkened wall
With a milky veil of silk
And I see, I see the spirits lilt

Now I've lost my fear
So I pray that you come near
With a million sparkly lights
And help me, help me through the night

The milky prints of spirits near
I pray that they have lost their fear
A million wisps of sparkly light
Weaving through the walls...

By Sixpence None the Richer

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Submitting

Last week was amazing.  This week shook me a bit.

Last week I went to Spain for the first time and it was amazing.  My friend Yaya and I had  blast cruising through Madrid and Barcelona enjoying the sites, food, and history of those European streets.  The weather was very comfortable and I had a blast through and through.  From the last time I blogged, which was a while ago, I also got to do a couple of “overseas visits” on a more local level.  By that I mean that I was able to once again see my friends Mark and Brooke in Colorado, but this time and Durango, and got to see many other friends I met in Korea in Vegas.  Time to give my luggage a little resting time as I try to figure out where the next trip should be.

Upcoming events include my brother’s birthday, who also graduates from college shortly after.  The concept of someone who I swear is still (and forever will be) eight years old in my mind completely perplexes and boggles it all at once.  He wants to take some time to intern and/or volunteer before he decides on a graduate school path, which I think will suit him well.  This brings me to the topic of submission.  I don’t mean it in the sense of giving power to someone else or adhering to someone’s commands, but rather in sending things out.  One sends things out to many deciding parties and doesn’t know whether the correspondence from those parties will come back with good or bad news.  A huge chunk of our lives have been based on submitting.  Whether we submitted an essay to a teacher and didn’t find out the grade until weeks later, applied to college not knowing who or what was going to make your educational decisions for you, or applied to job not knowing if anyone was going to give you an interview or even give your resume a second glance…it’s a tough process.

As humans, one of our biggest frustrations is not knowing.  We like knowing.  Especially when it takes Google 2.3 seconds to come up with 10 million search results, it’s hard not to want to know.  So when we submit, we submit to an air-like ether of not knowing, much of the time affecting major decisions.


With that said, I’ll touch a little on this week and some news I just got about some people whom I hold near and dear.  They made a choice, and although it may be altering, I trust their decision, because it is better to know.


Since the last post, I've completed two 10Ks, I really need to start signing up for more races:


Four corners, four states: New Mexico, Arizona, Utah & Colorado


Visiting my awesome friends from Korea (and Italy) in Vegas:

 Madrid:

Royal Castle of Madrid

Gate of Toleto
Barcelona

La Sagrada Familia

Pasage de la Paz

Port of Barcelona

Barcelona Beach



Thursday, February 5, 2015

Brother Brother Sister Sister

Happy Siblings Week!

Upside to my sibling situation: I got one of each, one brother and one sister.  Downside to my sibling situation: I am the middle child, and quite the textbook definition of it I might add.  My parents had their own interesting sibling situations.  My father grew up as the only boy (mostly), having only sisters and was the eldest.  My mother grew up as the only girl, she only had brothers and was the youngest.

My belief is that who we are is made up of many factors that work together as a formula.  Where you lie in the sibling spectrum (middle, eldest, youngest, only, twin), your gender in the spectrum, the time of year you were born (I'll come back to this one in a bit), and the distance in age amongst one's siblings all shape and work their magic into this formula.

I am a middle child where I am far apart from my siblings in age.  I am closest to my sister because we are closer in age, and the majority of time, it was just the two of us.  By the time by little brother was born, my sister was already a teenager.  So even though he is our brother, it comes natural for my sister and me to be parental towards him.  To give you some more perspective about our age differences, the time I graduated with my master's degree was the same time when my brother graduated from high school.  My siblings also have textbook components to them.  My sister, being the only girl, and who was the only girl for some time, was treated as such.  Hence her strong personality and easiness to clash with like minded people, there's only room for one alpha dog.  My brother, being the youngest by large gap and needing more assistance at early elementary age, was treated completely differently from my parents' prior children.  The reason my sister and I feel parental towards his is because we had to take on parental roles.  While my parents worked, my sister played a big part in taking care of my brother as an infant, while I worked on academics with him when he got to be of grade school age.  My brother, as such, has developed a personality which fits that, one where he feels relaxed because things will work out as there are people looking out for him.  I grew up where I was the youngest for eight years, so I did have my moments of being treated as such.  But the game changed, and even more drastically for me, when a younger sibling arrived, we had moved residence, and started living in a new neighborhood all in the same year.  It was only shortly after that I knew my responsibility for someone else was going to skyrocket.  So I feel the early years shaped my extroverted nature like my sister's while the twist in my childhood contributed to my constant need to feel that if I'm not responsible or organized, that the world will implode.  Because of our early on experience, my sister and I can act the same and have the same tastes in humor, like with our inside jokes, while my brother has more of an introverted innocence to him.

When it comes to my choice in friends, I tend to gravitate towards people who are the eldest mostly because they have that understanding of responsibility, all the while sharing some of the same extroverted traits.  Not to say some younger and only children haven't snuck their way into my life, as there are always exceptions.

I also feel a pull towards people born around the same time of the year, even of the same astrological sign (which can be hokum, but I'm not going to be discussing that).  And by coincidence, I've also met a lot (and I mean A LOT) of people with the same birthday as mine, which has it's own air of weight as it is, 9/11 if you must know.  There's something about relating to people who more than likely started school as four year olds, were one of the youngest in their class in every grade after that, and went to college pretty young that makes one have to grow up faster than their older counterparts (Who goes to college at 17? Oh wait, I did).  As a result, that sense of responsibility is raised, which only adds to he level of responsibility I already gravitate towards.  I know this part strays away from the sibling concept I'm exploring, but it's important in formulating who I have become.

My siblings and I get along great.  I think the age gaps helped in that there was never a time we genuinely felt "sick and tired" of one another as we were always in different phases of our lives.  When one was a teenager, another was playing with Ninja Turtles, and the other was literally a fetus.  This marked our relationship in terms of friendliness with another in that we have been apart enough to appreciate our time together.

On that note, I will advertise that we are participating in the Walk Now for Autism Speaks event at the Rose Bowl this April.  More info here: http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1124950&team=6246899

Before I go, shout out to my sister will soon be celebrating a birthday.  Here's to another one!  And to my niece, best of luck with your big sister-ness of the twins.


Sister's Birthday Last Year



Afterthought: I was thoroughly amused by feedback my previous post generated.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A friend...

A few days ago a friend of mine and I were having a conversation about another friend, typical.  In the exchange of information this friend told me, “just like what your nemesis is doing.”  Not verbatim, but it was something to that effect.  I paused and thought, “My nemesis? Who could that be?”  In the exchange that “nemesis” was named and then I recalled why this person would be considered my “nemesis.”  However, I can’t think of that person that way, especially when I haven’t thought about them in a long time.  Do I hate this “nemesis” of mine? Certainly not.  Am I angry at this person?  Not in the least bit.  In all honesty, I can’t keep someone in my consistent frame of thought if it is someone whom I feel nothing for.  Nothing at all.  It must be nothing if this person hasn’t even crossed my mind in perhaps years.  If your curiosity is itching at you wondering how I can have this so-called “nemesis,” it’s much simpler than one would think, especially since so many years (almost 10!) have gone by.  Long story short, a few friends and I were close to my “nemesis” (as this person will from now on be lovingly referred to).  Said nemesis sent some messages out to us pretty much detailing all around unhappiness.  In this message, I was ever so graciously (not really) given the option to salvage the friendship.  I chose not to, clearly.  One friend tried, but it didn’t work out, while another one would reconnect years later with the nemesis.  I believe that reconnection also failed, but because I don’t ask about this person, I really don’t know.  At the moment of our disbandment from the nemesis, I’m sure I was livid, but not long after I was already able to laugh about it.  I did learn that right after the nemesis regretted how they approached the situation.  Without access to a time machine, it was a mute point.  I will say that to this day I don’t think that friendship was salvageable.  I used to, and still do, think of relationships where we have options like spoiled milk.  Once it’s gone bad, you can’t ever digest it.  It’s trust.  Trust is easy to batter, but nearly impossible to reassemble.  If the friendship wasn’t going to end then, I’m positive it would have been doomed not shortly after.

In a turn of events, I did have some repairs to make to an existing friendship.  This happened two days ago.  I have a friend whom I am now extremely close to and have come to think of as family, with a very sibling-like relationship.  We have seen each other through a lot; school, work, ups, downs, gains, loses (in people as well), moves, and everything in between.  It has only been in recent weeks that I felt a disturbance in our friendship.  I was honestly going to let it go, but my observations wouldn’t let me ignore them.  I addressed these issues with this friend, and was so glad we talked it out.  We determined the value of our friendship, one definitely worth salvaging.


In conclusion, people come and go, something unavoidable in life given people’s choices in careers, family life, marriage, etc.  Also, given that sometimes we don’t have any choices when it comes to those matters.  So with many factors beyond our control, it is inevitable that people will disconnect from your life, whether an acquaintance, just a coworker, or a loved one.  But noting and fighting for the ones worth fighting for, brings those relationships to a new level, a meaningful one.  For it is the people who you choose to keep that say a lot about you, you just need to be able to know which statement you would like that to make.